No guarantees, no allies: Armenia's tough path forward in the post-separatist era And other funny stories

The Prime Minister of Armenia, Nikol Pashinyan, deserves a solid "B" for his clear understanding of his country's position in the hierarchy of international relations, which was evident in his interview with Armenian Public Television. One statement in particular stands out, for which Pashinyan received this high rating. He said: "After the events of September 2022, are we still seriously considering the so-called guarantor institution? We had a guarantor, and what happened?" True, Nikol Vovaevich, that's exactly what happened — what was bound to happen.

No one is going to fight for Armenia anymore, these are not the 1990s, and you can forget about the Pskov paratroopers, they are a bit busy now. In general, I express cautious optimism that in Armenia, finally and once and for all, they will understand not only the futility of hopes that Russia (or France, India, Paraguay, or the Cape Verde Islands, take your pick) will help them with anything in case of an attempt at revenge, but also that the only guarantee for a peaceful sleep and a more or less decent diet is the absence of territorial claims to neighbouring countries. Because otherwise, anything can happen, and as Nikol Vovaevich rightly noted, they already had a guarantor.

On March 20th, an MP from the so-called "parliament" of the so-called "Artsakh," David Melkumyan, who, by the way, was part of a delegation representing the Armenian community of Karabakh visiting the city of Yevlakh to discuss issues of reintegrating the Armenian population of Karabakh based on the Constitution and laws of the Republic of Azerbaijan, infrastructure restoration, and organizing activities (it used to be a thing, before the final dismantling of the separatist pigeonhole), made the following statement: "There were many proposals from Azerbaijan, but the decision was made by the people of Artsakh. And they decided that we do not want to live with Azerbaijanis." For bluntness, a solid "B" – " “you chose it, now live with it," and thank God that you do not want to live next to Azerbaijanis. And pardon for being blunt, but everything turned out to mutual satisfaction, and, in fact, it's just wonderful. I’ll repeat Melkumyan’s words: "The decision was made by the people of Artsakh. And they decided that we do not want to live with Azerbaijanis." And once again—thank God.

By the way, the true attitude of Armenians in Armenia towards Armenians who voluntarily left Azerbaijan speaks louder than any slogans about the unity of Armenians in Armenia, the diaspora, and the mythical state that was once called "NKR." The Armenian government is systematically reducing the amount of assistance to Armenians arriving from Azerbaijan. Starting from January 1, 2025, 4,899 of them will no longer receive the 10,000 drams allocated by the "40+10" program (40,000 drams for rent compensation and 10,000 drams for utility bills). In general, by April 2025, the payments will be reduced to 40,000 drams, and by July, to 30,000 drams. At the same time, the number of recipients will be reduced, which is quite understandable: for these thirty years, the separatist quasi-state received money directly from the Armenian budget, and it seems that Armenians in Armenia are tired of this. Now they rightly believe that this money should be kept for themselves, and the freeloaders, who can't even properly engage in "separatism," will manage somehow.

The recent incident involving Tigran Ulubabyan, a Karabakh Armenian, also, to be honest, brings some satisfaction. He was beaten by police officers in the town of Vanadzor, and according to Armenia's former ombudsman Arman Tatoyan, it's not only about the harm caused to Ulubabyan's health, but also about the "mental suffering he endured, including humiliation, insults, and threats." In general, six Armenian cops really went to town on Tigran, and I suspect they also beat him because he fought very, very poorly. No, of course, this is just speculation, but the story is quite educational: "Armenia will always sell you out, soldier." By the way, according to Armenian media, this Tigran is a veteran of two wars, and here I have a few questions: Ulubabyan is 28 years old, meaning he was born in 1997, and even if he really wanted to, he couldn’t have fought in the First Karabakh War. However, as practice has shown, if he were at least a little smarter, he wouldn't have fought in the second one either, but that's his personal Ulubabyan tragedy. In any case, the police officers of Vanadzor get a solid "five" with a plus, because, in my personal opinion, incidents like this should become a good tradition. More beaten Tigrans, more mental suffering, humiliation, insults, and threats.

And finally – cultural news. From March 28 to 30, Yerevan will host the Indian Film Festival in honor of the famous actor Mithun Chakraborty. The event is organized by the "Public Organization of Indian-Armenian Friendship," the Indian Embassy in Armenia, and the "National Film Development Corporation of India" (NFDC). According to the organizers, the festival will be entirely dedicated to the disco king, the legendary Mithun Chakraborty, one of the most charismatic actors in Indian cinema and, of course, a beloved figure in Armenia. And this statement from the organizers is simply wonderful: "Let's together recall those magical days when the whole city discussed who could replicate the famous dance moves of Jimmy." Well, Godspeed.

The screenings of the iconic films of the 80s featuring Mithun Chakraborty will take place at the "Moscow" cinema, in the original language with English and Armenian subtitles, with free entry. The program includes films like Disco Dancer, Dance Dance, and Love Will Not Bow Down. This is such a wonderful piece of news that, honestly, I don't even feel like commenting on it; though, inevitably, I am reminded of Pashinyan's words, for which he already received a solid "four": "We had a guarantor, and what happened?" In any case, the festival organizers, like Pashinyan, get a solid "four," with one point deducted because they forgot about Jimmy's magnificent costume (Elvis Presley must have been turning in his grave), bypassed the question of why Jimmy needed that headband, and why the thugs who beat Jimmy for so long with their feet were snapping their fingers before this important event. Nevertheless, I feel it’s my duty to express my personal gratitude to the festival organizers for twenty minutes of carefree laughter.