Health experts warn of "silent epidemic" of family estrangement

As social media continues to be hooked to the very public family feud involving the Beckham family, experts say estrangement from relatives is becoming both more common and more visible worldwide.

Tensions between football icon David Beckham and his wife Victoria Beckham, a former member of the iconic "Spice Girls" girl group turned fashion designer, and their eldest son have reportedly been building for months. The dispute spilled fully into the public eye this week after Brooklyn Beckham, who married American billionaire heiress Nicola Peltz in 2022, shared a lengthy statement on social media. In it, he said he “did not wish to reconcile” with his parents and detailed grievances linked to his wedding, airing deeply personal conflicts online.

The spectacle has divided public opinion, drawing comparisons to the highly publicized rift within the British royal family involving the youngest son of King Charles and the late Princess Diana, Harry. As the internet debates the Beckhams’ family breakdown, researchers and clinicians note that family estrangement itself has been rising for years, particularly in terms of visibility, as highlighted in British media reports.

A YouGov poll conducted in August last year found that 38% of American adults were estranged from at least one family member. The most common ruptures involved siblings (24%), followed by parents (16%), children (10%), grandparents (9%) and grandchildren (6%).

In Australia, a 2016 study by University of Newcastle academic Dr Kylie Agllias estimated that one in 12 people were estranged from a family member. A decade on, many experts believe those numbers have increased.

The YouGov data showed that adults estranged from parents most often cited physical, emotional or sexual abuse, manipulative behaviour, abandonment, neglect, betrayal, or personality conflicts. Parents estranged from their children most commonly pointed to lies and betrayal, clashing values or lifestyles, personality differences, and the aftermath of divorce.

Clinical psychologist and world-renowned expert Joshua Coleman has described parent-child estrangement as “a kind of silent epidemic.” One driver, he argues, is shifting definitions of harm. In his research, Coleman points to “changing notions of what constitutes harmful, abusive, traumatizing or neglectful behaviour,” noting that experiences once seen as relatively benign are now more readily labelled as traumatic. “The bar for qualifying as a trauma today is much lower,” he has written.

Coleman, author of Rules of Estrangement: Why Adult Children Cut Ties and How to Heal the Conflict, says that traditional expectations of family loyalty have given way to what he calls a “much more identitarian perspective.”

“If a relationship doesn’t feel good to me, then not only can I cut that person off, I should cut that person off,” he said. “Protection of mental health has become a big priority.”

As a result, he notes, adult children are cutting ties not only over abuse or neglect, but also over psychological, political or value-based differences. Parents, he adds, typically experience greater distress because they are more likely to want reconciliation.

Research suggests that estrangement is often temporary. A study by Ohio State University found that eight in 10 adult children eventually reconcile with their mothers, and seven in 10 with their fathers. Still, YouGov found willingness to reconcile varies: more than two-thirds of those estranged from a child or grandchild said they would consider it, compared with fewer than half of those estranged from siblings or parents. Only 35% of children estranged from a parent said they were open to reconciliation.

How social media amplifies conflict

Social media has played a growing role in shaping attitudes toward family separation. Viral videos and opinion pieces have normalized the discussion, with hashtags such as “no contact” generating thousands of posts across platforms.

TikTok, Instagram and YouTube have also fuelled the rise of therapists and “mental health influencers” offering bite-sized advice. While often well-intentioned, experts warn this content can oversimplify complex family dynamics. Phrases such as “cut out toxicity” or “you owe your family nothing” are frequently shared without context.

A 2022 study in the Journal of Mental Health and Social Media reviewed more than 400 therapist-created TikTok videos and found that nearly 38% framed estrangement as a primary solution to interpersonal distress, even in cases where abuse or trauma was not clearly present.

Mental health professionals caution that such messaging can reinforce avoidance rather than promote communication, self-reflection or emotional regulation. The Naya Therapy practice has identified warning signs of what it calls “toxic therapy,” including practitioners who quickly suggest estrangement, encourage blame over self-examination, or leave clients feeling more isolated rather than supported in navigating family relationships.

By Nazrin Sadigova